I Fucking Sucked At Graffiti

(a self-portrait 2004, I got motherfucking artistic skills)

I remember when I first got into hip-hop I'd always thought graffiti was cool, but growing up in small town Texas you never saw much of it. Well unless we made a trip to Houston or Austin then I might see some pieces from the freeway. At that time people weren't really bombing trains all that much so it was rare to catch that. As a kid I use to draw a lot and the more I listened to rap the more I tried to draw shitty letters. It wasn't until around 8th grade that I started to play with the idea more. I was hanging out with some friends who liked to draw and we all were trying to be as hip-hop as fucking possible so we just started gravitating towards graffiti.

I think it was like the end of summer after 8th grade, right before I made the jump to high school that I did my first throw up. Well it wasn't even a throw up; I just painted some dumb character that I'd seen in one of those shitty THC clothing ads in the back of the source. That piece of shit section where they advertise shitty flyer designs, generic hip hop clothing lines, party phone lines and try to sell mix tapes. Anyways I do my shitty little character and then figure I need to write a name next too it but I didn't have a goddamn hip-hop name so me being the brilliant 15 year old that I was I wrote my real name, Sergio. That was wise as shit right there. I did this shit about two blocks from my friend's house and it was pretty for sure his parents would see it. But I didn't give a fuck because I got down for mine. Fucking bombing the streets of Shea Middle School. I thought I was fucking down. God I was such a fucking toy.

A few weeks later I started high school. We still played around with the idea of being graff writers and being fucking kings of phoenix, but there were more important things on our minds like LOWRIDER BIKES. Yeah that's right, fucking lowrider bikes. My friends Erik And Tim both had bikes, and they also happen to be the guys who I'd paint with later on. I had my own 69 Schwinn 20" that I had been building since 7th grade when I met Erik in art class in like 8th grade. He had a 26" huffy beach cruise that he was building. We would eventually meet this dude Rene; he was older than us, like 19 or some shit and he wanted to start a lowrider bike club. We said thought it would be cool and then formed Ecstasy Lowrider Bike Club. We'd enter lowrider shows and show out shit together. We thought we were so fucking cool. Later I stole an old 3 wheeler from some house and sold it to Erik and my friend Mike. They eventually built this 5 wheeler bicycle that had two 15" Cerwin Vegas in the back. It fucking bumped. The damn bicycle was louder than some cars. When we started bringing that thing to lowrider shows fools were jocking then everyone started to bite Mike and Erik; trying build their own 5wheelers. Every damn bike club wanted one.

Anyways as time went on we grew tired of lowrider bikes and trying to act hard at lowrider shows. One thing about lowrider shows is that at 15 I really loved seeing those models and the hot leg/wet t-shirt contest. Those really inspired me. So anyways I got out of the whole lowrider scene and moved on to go-carts and cars. Now that we could almost drive we had to leave the bikes behind. When I got my learner’s permit my Dad would let me drive pretty much anywhere because as he said, "well you're almost legal and that’s good enough." You see I learned to drive when I was 12, at 14 I was already driving to most of the auto parts stores and shit in Phoenix. My dad would also have me test drive cars after we got them running again. Anyways now that I had the freedom to cruise the streets of Phoenix we started going all over the city. We started doing little tags and shit around the city but as we got bravery we began to plan small missions. We eventually decided it was time to start a crew but we had a pick a name and because we were so fucking creative we went with TDC, The Dangerous Crew. But just so people didn't think we we're Too Short we decided to tell people we were Too Damn Crazy. But to prove this we had to start getting up a lot. It just happened that both me and Erik would happen to take summer school together this one year so all day we would sit there and draw and then once we got out we'd drive around phoenix looking for places to bomb that night. We started getting up a lot and other crews began to actually notice us.

My pieces were fucking horrible. We couldn't afford paint since most of our money came from our parents or some shit. My dad would let me keep the change from buying auto parts and I would save that up to buy paint. Since we couldn't afford none of that fancy pants krylon paint we'd go get some quality Wal-Mart paint. That shit was fucking crap, the cans would bleed when you switched caps or it would just fucking explode and leave your whole fucking arm covered in shitty paint. Due to not being able to afford a lot of paint most of my stuff was reduced to one color. It was probably better that way since I sucked with one color, I didn't even want to see what would happen if I had two or three. I had horrible can control and fuck up my flares or I'd throw a fat German cap on and then hold it too close and end up with drips like I tried to throw a bucket of house paint on the goddamn wall. Then sometimes I'd try and do a character but totally fucking sucked. I'm horrible when it comes to hands so all my characters had to hold something, usually it was guns. I also couldn't draw a face for shit so I'd throw hats on them to cover up the majority of the face. Another problem I faced was that my shit was so out of proportion. Like the middle of the letter would be thinner that it was suppose to or I would over extend some shit. It was just crap and the only redeemable thing about my shitty graff skills was that I was ballsy about it and got up a lot. Like I remember being at an ATM machine at like 4 in the afternoon and just doing throw ups right there in front of folks. For me graff wasn't even about being good because I knew I didn't have that much of a shot at it. It was just fun, the thrill of being out there late at night painting and trying not to get busted.

Eventually my shittyness was just too much to handle and I had to stop, but I learned one thing. Graff writers are a bunch of gossiping bitches. Some of my best friends are writers but my fucking god these fools got more drama than a sorority house full of whores. Dudes fucking sit around and bitch like highschool girls complaining about so and so biting their style or some crew that gets too many props or someone painting their goddamn wall. Its just like hearing some girl complain about how someone else has the same dress. I don't give a fuck about that shit. Then there is always some blown way the fuck out of proportion beef going down between crews because of the most trivial bullshit.

The politics of graffiti are so fucking stupid it boggles the goddamn mind. Everyone is trying to prove how down they are and how much better this crew is over that crew. Its fucking paint, its not enough shit to get shot over. I've got some friends who get hated on because older writers are mad at them for not respecting them enough. How goddamn retarded is that shit. What the fuck do you motherfuckers want? Do you need someone to kiss your goddamn hand and tell you that you're the prettiest girl at the dance? Fucking grow up already you goddamn sissies. This isn't some high school shit. You got guys in their fucking 30's complaining about people half their age not loving them enough. Guess the fuck what. No one fucking cares about this bullshit and the people that do are too caught up in their stupid little knitting circles talking about so and so and how uncomfortable they make them feel. You fucking paint. Its not like anyone is fucking your wife so who cares if some new jack doesn't leave you're piece up as long as you wanted. Don't wear your goddamn heart on a fat cap you fucking crybabies.