Superman Was A Lying Son Of A Bitch

When I was about 5 or 6 years old I thought Superman was fucking cool. Well now that I think about it I thought any superhero with a cape as fucking cool. I often wondered how these superhero's got their magnificent powers. Some were from other planets or they were super mutants or they were hit with gamma rays but I didn't know shit about radiation or genetic mutation. To my 5 year old mind all their fantastic powers came from their mighty capes.

Since capes were the true source of power I got to thinking and decided that I needed a cape. I asked my mom to buy me a cape. She said to use a towel and a saftey pin. That was the greatest idea my mother ever had in her entire life. I could not believe I hadn't thought of it first. I could take an ordinary towel and create my incredible cape of POWER!!! I rushed off to find a towel and a pin.

As soon as I had the towel around my neck I could feel its power inside my soul. I felt a rush come over me that can only be described as SUPER INCREDIBLE POWERS OF JUSTICE. I had to do something. I didn't know what but something because the power within me was just too much to bare any longer. Then it hit me like fist full of Incredible Hulk. I had to FLY!

I went to my room and opened the window. My window had a screen that I couldn't get out and after a few minutes of struggling with it I decided that it had to be sacrificed. After all once my mother saw me flying she would forget about the broken window screen. So I put on my shoes, to make sure I could reach full speed. Then I opened my bedroom door and the door to the bathroom that was across the hall. I went into the bathroom and prepared myself for flight. I tightened my shoe laces and got down into a runner's stance. I took a few breaths and then made a break for it. With all my energy I could muster I ran out of the bathroom, across the hall and through my room at break neck speed. As I approached the window I raised my arms for flight and I leaped up in the air and I was off into the unknown.

I flew through the window screen and crashed headfirst into the ground on the otherside.

Moments later my mother heard me weeping outside. She ran to my aid and asked me where I was hurt; through my tears I told her "I can't fly." It was a harsh day for a young Sergio. I could not believe that even with my magnificent cape I could not actually fly. My world was forever destroyed. If you have dreams forget about them now because even with the most majestic of capes made from towels you will never make them reality so just give it up. Dreams are for aliens.

Superheroes are a bunch of lying assholes. They make you believe that things can be great but then you find out you can't shoot lasers out of your eyes. You never will have super human strength or be able to stop a train with your penis or whatever the fuck those flying bitchmade motherfuckers do. What a bunch of fucking dicks.