GET YOUR HIPHOP ON!

so my girlfriend found this shitty article on SFgate. She posted it on her messageboard and I recommend peeping the post for TA's response. Anyways the article is written by some dumb ass woman who doesn't know shit about the bay's hiphop scene and it's painfully obvious. Now I've only lived in San Francisco since 2002 so I'm not claiming to be the goddamn authority on the fucking bay but fuck this bitch is goddamn stupid. The article is suppose to be some hiphop club guide that she wrote because her cousin is visiting from Cleveland and they want to go get their fucking hiphop on. This is the cute part where she explains hiphop:

What makes hip-hop such a universal vibe is the diversity of the music and the people who love it. There's the original hip-hop -- rap poetry without music. There's gangsta rap, with its raw, naughty lyrics and bad-boy image. There's battle rap, where the singers are spittin' verbally with one another, slugging it out in words. There's political rap, not to be confused with conscious rap. There's gay rap. There's even gospel rap, and a new-old sound called neo-soul. And in heavy rotation these days is crunk rap, sexually explicit cuts for the hop hedz -- the die-hard party people -- who love bobbin' their heads and shakin' their booties while bumpin' and grindin' to the saucy lyrics.

The scene gets even more complicated. Even though the words "hip-hop" and "rap" are used interchangeably, many hip-hoppers don't want to be called rappers, and many rappers don't want to be called hip-hoppers. They all like to be called lyricists.

Fucking great, I'm so glad I can finally be assured that conscious rap and political rap are not the same shit. I hate when people give these whitebread definitions of what hiphop is and it's various little genres. It's so fucking corny and just dumb as fuck. If you need someone to tell you what kind of hiphop you're listening to then you shouldn't be listening to this goddamn music in the first place. Then there is that whole bullshit about rappers wanting to be called lyricists. Where in the fuck did this woman get that shit from? I thought EmcEE with all its fucking bullshit extra vowels was proper hiphop etiquette.

She goes on to talk about how these hiphop parties don't last long and tend to spring up over night. The cute shit is when she actually writes the words "hip-hop chain letter.

For these last-minute gigs, word gets out via Craigslist, word-of-mouth, radio or, most often, e- mail blasts, the hip-hop chain letter.

Thank fucking god for the hiphop chain letter. Gangsta emails don't send they blast. I wonder what a rock chain letter is. The hiphop chain letter? Fuck and someone is paying this woman for writing stupid ass shit. This woman is so up on her hiphop she even defines some new hiphop genres for us.

This cut by Lil' Jon (who hails from the ATL) will be played at least five times before the night is over. The lyrics are sexually explicit and laced with a hard bass beat. If this musical genre could be defined, it would fall under dirty rap -- it's like the dirty blues our grandparents listened to.

Dirty rap sounds fantastic, I'm so glad I finally got someone to explain what lil jon's music was. Someone tried to trick me into think it was called "crunk" but I didn't think so. Fuck it's not like this music is a fucking secret and she's just revealing this bullshit for the first goddamn time. Did you not hear lil jon scream get crunk all over his goddamn songs.

Well the article goes on to name off a bunch of "hot" clubs in the bay that they hit up for their fucking rap dance night. When I say "hot" I mean "wack as fuck." Fuck go read that shit yourselves and find out how goddamn retarded it is. Why the fuck even bother writing that bullshit when you're a clueless fucking moron? Just turn the goddamn shit down, it's like this retard went to chucky cheese and submitted an article about it's a great dance club.

oh and in other cornball ass news, go here to see video of Qbert on The ScreenSavers. He gets interviewed and does some scratches. The interviewer is some clueless dumbfuck who thinks he is goddamn hilarious but really he's just an goddamn idiot.

oh and what the fuck? goddamn k-rino and klondike kat are featured on some fucking G4/TechTv southern hiphop article thingy. That's cool and all but how the fuck did they get on that shit? I would have thought they would be too under the radar for that shit but I guess not.