Beer Is Not Medicine

Friday night I went out to some shit bar in Alameda to see Subtitle, Megabusive, and Nac One all get their rap on. I started the night off throwing down a few Stellas here at the house then rolled out and switched to New Castles at the bar. I was drunk but I wasn't on blackout mode or anything so shit was good. Well that's what I thought. The next morning I wake up and my fucking throat is all jacked the fuck. That thing that hangs down in the back of your throat was all elongated and when ever I swallowed I'd suck that thing down and felt like I was choking on something. My throat was pretty swore. I think this shit might be from post nasal drip and snoring. I tend to snore all fucked up after a night of drinking. I figured oh well I'll just deal with this shit and hopefully it will go away after a while.

Saturday night my girlfriend was djing at this bar, EZ5, they were having a party for the Chinese new years. I had contemplated not drinking because my throat was sore as it was and swallowing a bunch of beer wasn't going to help. But then I got the bright idea that I would just drink enough beer that my mouth would go numb and I wouldn't even notice the shit. Yeah this was a good idea but being the genius that I am I was smart enough to drink some Pyramid Hefeweizen. I figured the citrus from the lemon would do wonders to heal my throat. I was wrong. No matter how many beers I had the shit still hurt. At some point the owner gave us some shots of some fucking coconut drink that was dope. Then I got the idea that he should make us some cutty bangs. After informing him of how to make a cutty bang he informed us that it was a drink for homeless people. Around 2 am we finally cut out and head home. My throat is still jacked but I feel ok and just crash out.

The next morning I wake up feeling like total shit. It hurts my eyes to look at a computer for more than a minute. I can't really walk around too much and watching TV is painful after a while. I'm all stuffed up and I've got a fever that's kicking my ass. I end up spending the whole day in bed drinking fucking tea and blowing my nose. That night I feel asleep and woke up a few hours later in a cold sweat. The fucking bed is all soaked while I'm laying there fucking freezing my balls off. I ended up having to put my clothes back on cause it was just too cold to deal with. This morning I woke up feeling a little better. My fever has gone down some and it doesn't hurt to look at things. I'm still coughing and shit but at least I can kind of function.

This isn't the first time I've decided to treat an ailment with alcohol. When I was sixteen I decided that a good way to treat my headache was being going to some party and drinking shitty keg beer. This seemed to be working until the cops showed up because there were 300 kids in some girls backyard. They broke out the fucking breathalyzers and rounded us up. My friends and I decided to jump the backyard wall and run down the alley. We thought we were free but then we found out that they had a paddy wagon blocking off the alley and cops waiting for us. I failed the breathalyzer and had to call my dad because the cops wouldn't let me drive home. Fortunately my pops was more pissed that I got caught by the cops than for actually drinking. I got a drinking ticket and ended up having to do like 18 hours of community service, which consisted me digging ditches in south phoenix.

Another time I had a cold and after a trip to food4less I decided that for 6 dollars a 12 of weinhards was the best way to cope with a cold. That night my roomates decided to have a party. I drank my weinhards and some other shit that I don't remember. I woke up the next morning vomiting for three hours. Finally when the vomiting had subsided I decided I needed to eat so I got some piece of shit Jack In The Box chicken sandwich. I got about half way through that motherfucker before the sandwich decided it wanted to come back out. I spent another hour or so dry heaving. I felt like such a winner.

There have been many other times that I've been under the weather but have decided that I still wanted to drink beer and every fucking time it back fires. You'd think I would have learned by now but I'm stupid and keep on fucking doing the same stupid shit. If beer ever heals my sickness I'll let you know but until then just remember beer is not medicine.