FUCK A BOOT

Over at Hackaday someone posted some link about this dude who got the internet to help him take a boot off his ride. It's a cute story and the guy ends up getting caught when some dickhead notifies his community college about the shit. The whole thing reminded me of the following story.

Back in the spring of 1997 I was a junior in high school. At my school only seniors were allowed to leave campus for lunch but since most had half days it didn't matter cause they would just go home. As a junior who hated school food I decided I should start leaving campus to eat. Me and some friends would usually peace out after 4th hour. We'd jump in my 1982 Toyota 4x4 and bust out of the parking lot when the security guards were making their rounds around the cafeteria and not the parking lot.

One day me and my friend Mike go out to the lot to leave and I see that there is a fucking boot on my truck. You see I never paid for the 60 dollar permit that allowed me to park on campus because I thought it was a rip off to pay money to go to school. My plan to park there anyways seemed to be working or so I thought. Shit it got me by for like two months before they slapped a boot on my shit.

What ever dumb fuck security guard put the boot on my shit didn't know how to do it right. It didn't help that I had these big ass tires on my truck either. The rims were too wide for their janky boot so I was able to get underneath the part of the boot that covers the rim and rip the fucker off my wheel. I had Mike look out for security while I yanked that shit off my truck. At some point I got the idea that I would steal the boot then come back at night and throw it through my schools front window. I explained this to Mike as I loaded the thing in the back of my truck. Then just as we're about to take off guess who the fuck rolls up. A fucking bitch in a golf cart. I forget this woman's name but she was some fucking grey haired loser rocking a walkie talkie and orthopedic shoes. Some dumb ass who failed whatever test they have for mall security so she was reduced to power tripping on students for roaming the halls.

She mobs up and starts asking us just what the hell we're doing and why I'm trying to steal the boot. I tell her that I'm not stealing the boot I just set it down there so I could move my truck without running over it. This was a straight up lie but fuck it. I wasn't about to have grandma Ruth here bust me for some piece of shit boot. She asks us if we were planning on leaving school and I tell her no we weren't. I make up some shit about how I heard there was a boot on my truck and came out to see. I noticed it was on wrong and decided to pull it off. She decides Mike and I should go talk to the assistant principal.

I'm sitting in this dumbass' office waiting for him while grandma Ruth tries to scare us by telling me that stealing the boot is a felony because its worth over 500 dollars. She starts questioning Mike about what we were doing and then asks for his parent's phone number because they are going to be notified about how such naughty school children we are. He tells her that his parents are out of town and then she flips out on some "they left you home alone?" As if a 16 year old boy needed a fucking babysitter. The whole thing was retarded as fuck. Finally our dumb ass assistant principal showed up and things reached some level of competency. They let Mike go and told him they would contact his parents next week, which never happened. I had to stay for "questioning." They wanted to know why I didn't have a parking permit so I told them I didn't buy one because 60 dollars was a lot of money for my broke ass. He gives me some shit about following rules and then tells me that I'm suspended for like three days. That's when I got pissed because I had an important calculus test coming up and I wasn't about to fail it because some stupid fuck thinks he's got to teach me a lesson. I tell them they can't suspend me because I'm not about to get an F on a test because they can't put a boot on properly. Dumbass is confused because students aren't suppose to want to take a test. He agrees to give me an in school suspension and I can take my test. This didn't really make any sense to me but fuck it I went along with it.

When I got home I told my dad what happened and he flipped out telling me they were doing this to me because I was brown. I think what really got him was that nothing happened to Mike. So what does my dad do? He fucking calls the school up and yells at the principal accusing them of being a bunch of racists assholes who only want to fuck with me because I'm Mexican. After seeing him go off on the school I wasn't about to try and correct my dad by telling him that I was planning to steal the boot. The school started backpedaling like a motherfucker and reduced my suspension to one day.

I took my test and got an A. My dad gave me money to buy a permit. The day of my in-school suspension like 3 security guards called in sick so there was no one to watch over me as I sat in the library. After 30 minutes of sitting there I decided I'd go to my friend's class and fuck around. After that I went and took my test then I went home. It was exciting.