You Suck At Watching Rap

So last night I went to Slim's to see Atmosphere play with a live band, it was also a benefit for Dax Pierson. I don't really listen to Atmosphere that much anymore, well not like I use too, but the girlfriend wanted to go so I went. I was kind of apprehensive about seeing Slug with a live band because I was thinking it was going to be on some weak neo-soul headwrap wish we were the roots kind of shit. I was feeling real shitty because the night before I got pretty loaded and didn't get enough sleep. I wasn't really in the mood to be around a bunch of fucking teenagers who hate rap especially when I didn't feel like drinking. Fucking we get to Slim's and watch Crescent Moon get all cute with a guitar. I try to drink a beer thinking that might help my shitty status, but it doesn't do much. After Crescent Moon was POS from Doomtree. He came out yelling and rocking some aggressive beats from his boombox. Well since I'm feeling shitty to begin with the crowd is annoying me more than usual. I know I shouldn't really give a fuck or hate on kids for enjoying the music but fuck those kids suck ass and don't want them around me. I knew there were going to be the fucking white tanktop girls in full effect but that shit wasn't even bothering as much as just the clueless motherfuckers who think it's a fucking Phish show.

I decided that I need work my way up to being able to drink so I start sippin on beers. While I'm doing so I notice some dumb fuck girl behind me who wants to do her piece of shit little hippie raver dances. We're in the back so she had a little room to twist her hands in the air like she's fucking Shiva or some bullshit. I can't stand the fucks that do that shit. You want to get "lost in the music" then go take some mushrooms and attend a fucking festival you jackass. Don't do that shit at a crowded hiphop show where you are constantly bumping into people as your drunk ass tries to gracefully spin around like a fucking retard.

After having enough of this stupid tribal raver bullshit we went outside to get some air. While we're outside some dumbass is blabbing away to his new friend about how the club scene in San Francisco has fallen off because it's all about house music and he can't dance the night away because BART doesn't run all night. I wasn't even trying to listen to the dude but he was so loud and excited about fucking raves it was hard not too. The best is when he's trying to explain to some dude about how the next big thing in music is going to be Metal and Techno. He believed that people wanted to hear aggressive metal but at higher BPM's. For the sake of giving it a name I'll just call it Metaltronica. According to this dude metaltronica is going to take over the world and have the internet going nuts because it's going to be so fucking progressive. Oh but don't expect it to happen over night, it's going to happen like 4 years from now so be prepared because in 2009 you're going to love metaltronica. What a bunch of stupid bullshit.

Following that music lesson we went back into see Grayskull. I'm not all that crazy about Grayskull so I was just like ok whatever, rap and guitars lovely. Time to drink another beer and see if I can cope with this shit for an hour. Here is where I got to see two dudes grind on some girl and then one dude makes out with her. These fucking idiots are standing right in front of me so it's hard not to notice their drunken foreplay. I'm standing there thinking what the fuck. Who the hell goes to underground hiphop shows to fucking dance in the first place. Shit I could at least understand dancing to music that would actually get played in clubs but fucking Grayskull??? That doesn't even make any goddamn sense. I fucking hate when some dumb fuck dude decides that because he has a chance at getting some pussy he's got to start rubbing his dick all over some girls ass. Oh and then these pieces of shit start getting all loose with their bullshit maneuvers so if you're the dude standing behind them you get to participate in their little dance party. Yeah that's fucking great, just what I need some sweaty douchebag rubbing his ass on me. It's a fucking blast.

Of all the dumbass people who dance at hiphop shows the worst are the idiots who work their way to the front row. Fuck if you really have to dance take your ass to the back of the club don't be doing that shit all up in the front where it's crowded as fuck. I don't give a fuck how excited your drunk girlfriend is I don't need that bitch bumping into me. Then you get the ones that get all bitchy cause they don't have room to dance. What the fuck do you expect when you're in the front row you dumbfuck. Everyone is pushing to get up there and you're sadfaced because you can't dance offbeat like you're suppose to. If you're in the front row you have two options if you really want to physically express your enthusiasm, either wave your fucking hand in the air or fucking jump. Also if you can't even wave your hand in the air properly then don't even fucking try. Jesus I can't even believe there are people who can't do that shit right. It's not a fucking kung fu chop so don't be thinking you're at a fucking Braves game doing some fucked chopping bullshit with your hand. Then there are the people who think waving your hand means only moving your hand. Just because you're waving your hands like you just don't care does not mean that your wrist has stopped working. And shit the least you could do is stay on beat. This shit isn't like busting out some soulclaps but fuck get some rhythm douchbag.

goddamn this shit is stupid, I don't know what's lamer that these people can't even watch rap music or that it bothers me enough to write a bunch of bullshit about it. Whatever though, by the time Atmosphere came out I was feeling like I could throw down some beers so I started feeding myself some pacificos while sixteen year old kids in ambercrombie tshirts with crooked hats screamed god loves ugly. Slug's performance with the band actually surprised the shit out of me. I didn't expect it to be as good as it was. He did some songs I didn't know but then he also did some older material like Scapegoat and God's Bathroom Floor which was dope. For as much as all that stupid shit annoyed me I actually had fun last night. It took a while to work up to it but yeah it was romantic.