Hey Spoken Word Boy, Shut The Fuck Up!

I wrote this little bit a couple months ago for Versus magazine (yeah I know, big budget myspace page, my man Gary does it big like that). If anyone wants to order this shit then send a message to the myspace bullshit, I think it's 3 bucks to get it shipped. If you're in the bay then you can pick it up where ever the fuck these free magazines are left. I haven't actually seen the magazine because instead of going to the release party I went to sleep. I don't actually know what else is in that shit but I'll find out tomorrow in the meantime I decided to post the "article" that I wrote for it. It's pretty much what anyone who reads this site should expect from me, a bunch of bitching and moaning about crap I think is dumb but no one else really cares about. Oh and in other news I got hit up by Rob Harvilla over at the EastBay Express about some things I've said about Scion Hop in the past. He wrote a piece on the Oakland Faders winning Scion's mix contest. Regardless of how I feel about Scion riding that hiphop dick I'm happy for the Oakland Faders; they deserve this shit.

So yeah on with the bitching...

This goes out to all you piece of shit generic sounding teenage angst spitting bullshit ass wannabe Saul Williams head wrap jocking soft ass coffee house motherfuckers. You are fucking stupid and no one gives a fuck about your predictable pauses and half ass cadence. I don’t want to hear your shitty ass poetry about how you are such an individual because you shop at Whole Foods and your house smells like cheap ass corner store incense.

Ok now before you rally up the coffee shop and cry together here is the thing I do think there is actually some good spoken word shit out there, but there is a hell of a lot more shitty spoken word out there. What I hate is that some people think that you have to respect their “art” because they are expressing themselves through “poetry.” Fuck that shit. When you make stale ass poems with wordplay for toddlers and string it all together by rhyming words that end in “ion” I don’t give a fuck if you’re expressing your goddamn feelings because that shit straight up sucks. Now I have not been to that many poetry slams but the ones I have been too seem more like a group of soft motherfuckers patting each other on the ass for a bullshit job well done. It’s like a bunch of identity searching freshmen all cheering one another on for overcoming such extraordinary obstacles in life such as being a nerd in high school or having conservative parents. Fuck that shit, someone needs to tell these kids that their writing sucks and the last thing they should be doing is fucking performing. If you have something worthwhile to say fine but if you can’t do it in your own voice then don’t bother speaking. Stick to the written word and keep that shit in your fucking diary.

Oh and then we have the brilliant failed rapper turned shitty slam poet. Flexing their skills for kids who can't even pick a fucking major. Impressing dumb fuck kids with shitty beatboxing and half ass acapellas full of crap lyrics. I don’t give a fuck how many roses you’ve seen grow out of concrete your shit still sucks. Just because the DOC called it Rhythmic American Poetry that doesn't mean that you are now Edgar Allan fucking Poe. If you can’t come up with some original shit that doesn’t sound like you wrote it when you were still taking Reading then my advice to you is to shut your fucking mouth.

Now I’ve actually tried to like spoken word and I guess it’s not as bad as I make it seem but honestly for the most part I don’t give a fuck about that whole scene. I feel like people think they have to act like it’s so fucking artistic because it’s poetry. Expressing yourself and all that shit is cool but when you start putting that shit in front of others that’s when talent has to be called into effect. If you don’t have it then shut the fuck up or go back to your bedroom and practice in shame. The people who are good at spoken word are really fucking good but the ones that are bad are goddamn horrible. I don’t understand how some of that shit gets by. Half of these motherfuckers all jack that stereotypical spoken word delivery and don’t get called on it. Don’t you think that when your substandard style is being used in a fucking McDonald’s commercial that it’s time to switch that shit up. God that commercial fucking sucks. Oh and if that shit wasn’t bad enough that piece of shit show, Girlfriends, had a fucking spoken word episode with some dumbfuck reciting a romantic poem about his fucking kufi (no I do not watch girlfriends but when I see Common and Saul Williams on a tv channel I tend to check what the fuck is going on).People really need to tell these fucks that they suck but at fucking slams there is no booing allowed. Booing isn’t the most productive thing but not allowing it creates this false sense of talent and I think that’s fucking bullshit. People need criticism; they need to know that just because your mommy thinks you’re wonderful that doesn’t mean that you actually are. If you can’t takesomeone telling you that you fucking suck then get off the goddamn stage.