I Don't Give A Fuck About Waving My Hands In The Air Like I Just Don't Care

So this is the shit I wrote for Down, figured I'd post it up here for those that can't get the magazine. They changed my title, I'm assuming because it's so long and maybe the swearing but that's what made it funny to me, oh well. I can't remember if the shit I submitted was longer but I think it was. I lost the original so I pieced this from the printed version and my shitty memory.

I know that crowd participation is always a good element to have at shows, but this isn’t the fucking hokey pokey. Stop telling me to wave my goddamn hands in the fucking air. I do not give a shit where your weed smokers are at. That does not fucking concern your performance. I do not give a fuck if the ladies say "hey" or the fellas say “ho.” I do not want to have some stupid yelling match with the other half of the club. I don’t know those motherfuckers and I do not give a fuck how much noise they can make. If I’m feeling your shit I’ll let you know, but I am not going to put up with your wack ass Simon Says bullshit anymore.

Get your fucking weight up and stop relying on tired ass instructions for a predictable hip-hop show because, guess what: it’s your own goddamn fault your show sucks. Seriously, what is with that bullshit? People have been using that tired ass shit for over 20 goddamn years and you the balls to tell people they aren’t loud enough? Get over yourself and your shitty stage show. Stop telling me to make some fucking noise; it’s not my job to entertain you. I paid you to rap, goddamn it. It’s your fucking job to entertain me and if you don’t like it then you get the fuck out of the club.

I’m fucking sick of rappers thinking a show is wack because of the crowd. Yeah, I have been around wack crowds, but I have been around a shitload more wack-ass rappers. I’ve seen a number of rappers throw fucking hissy fits on stage because they thought the crowd was ruining their shitty rap song. Just because your boys think your latest CD-R is dope does not mean that anyone else does. Your friends are fucking idiots who get all juiced when they see you spit some bullshit nursery rhymes, but you’re an even bigger idiot because you believe those morons. Tell your boys to stop nut hugging so hard because this isn’t a fucking pep rally. This is music and people expect it to be good on it’s own. Get your 20 fucking hypemen the fuck off the goddamn stage. I did not pay money to see your dumbass homeboys yell muffled lyrics in to the mic just so they might have a chance at some sloppy seconds.

I’m also fucking sick of people who stick to the exact same show format time after time. I do not expect you to do back flips but you better have a live ass show. You better dominate the stage, punch holes in walls; I don’t give a fuck but just rap your ass off if you want me to make some noise. That’s the point of this shit. If you want kids to get excited then stop rapping like a fucking pussy. If you don’t bother to put in the effort to have a good show then I’ll be damned if I’m going to waste my time being your cheerleader. Fuck trying to get me to rally behind a host trying to buy some fucking time. What I want is for motherfuckers to hit the stage, not make a bunch of noise so that some opening act can kill some time because some fucking rapper is drunk backstage and doesn’t want to come out because he’s a fucking bitch.

I’m not paying money for excuses and drama queens. I’m paying money for a goddamn performance, and if you can’t man the fuck up and rip the stage then do not bother doing a live show, you fucking bitches.