A little hate I wrote

This is some hate I wrote up a sometime around the end last year but finally showed up in the latest issue of Versus because of their world renown publishing team. Some parts maybe a little dated but whatever I'm still amused by it and I think the main parts apply

San Francisco is suppose to be this world renown city of beauty and sophistication with a thin veil of half ass pseudo liberalism that the heart beat of America thinks is covered in cable cars and leather clad cocks that smell like the assholes of their uncles. People from all over the world come here for great food, shitty Chinese pullovers and photos of bridges. With so many people attracted to this city it is no wonder that there are a lot of options for people who like to go out, get drunk and find someone to fuck. Unfortunately most of these people and the ones that try to cater to their needs are fucking idiots.

I don’t get how people still can’t get their heads around what going out to a club is like. I get that some dumb fuck 18 year old might not understand the concept of a “party” But if you’re at least a weekend older than your twenty-first birthday then you should be able to understand that events happen at clubs. You don’t show up at a fucking concert and start asking the band to play “Groove is in the Heart” because it’s Ashley’s fucking birthday. So why in the fuck would you go to a hiphop party and request fucking Godsmack (I was amazed to hear about that one). The dj is not a fucking juke box with a cdj full of 15 year old stupidity. If you took five seconds too actually find out what the fuck was going on you wouldn’t be sitting there like a drunken idiot wondering why the dj won’t play your shitty request. Have some fucking sense. Dj’s are asked to play at the fucking club; they aren’t hired to make sure your crap tastes are catered too. If you’re stupid enough to show up to a party that you don't know shit about, pay a cover, and buy expensive drinks then you're too fucking stupid to complain about the music. You did it to yourself you dumbass.

Now what sucks even more are the fucking clubs that cater to these inexperienced assholes who think a club is suppose to be like an episode of Melrose place that they saw when they were fucking twelve years old. Fucking bullshit ass spots are trying to sell some gullible idiots on a dream of a shitty sitcom’s idea of nightlife. Clubs don’t even give a shit about the music or talent they bring in; instead they want to sell you on fucking pretend atmosphere. It’s not even tangible, it a fake ass concept of fun based on selling you ambiance because people are so stupid they will pay someone for what they think is a good time instead of actually having one. You will stand in line, pay a bullshit cover, get treated like shit, and drink overpriced bullshit because people have some dumb idea that getting drunk with your own bottle on a floor with lights some how justifies this.

Speaking of floors with lights, jesus if you want to experience sucks go to Fluid. It’s some bullshit spot trying to fancy and VIP but it’s just a bunch of lame amateurs who come to the big city to fall over drunk while they throw up in the bathroom. Painting everything white does not make you night club sophisticated; it just lets the douchebags standout even clearer.

Someone should tell the cocks at Etiquette Lounge that painting everything black and having roid raging bouncers does not create stunning ambiance. The quote on the front of the club isn’t insightful either, it’s just tells the world that you are too stupid to pull off being pretentious. I shouldn’t expect shit considering the place has a homoerotic oil painting of a muscle boy in a skin tight tuxedo. The owner also likes to play the sax during the dj’s set, that shit is so horrible it’s amazing. I know people want to make money but fuck have some self respect. This bullshit might pass in San Jose where the nightlife relies on the shopping center with the best landscaping but motherfuckers need to dead that shit in the city.

More shitty clubs: Poleng Lounge, fucking hell I can’t stand this goddamn place. The front bar is always a pain in the ass because you have a bunch of fucks that spent their whole night eating on fucking couches taking up space. The back room needs to be destroyed because having twenty fans in that bitch is not helping. The worst part about this spot are all the drunk Asian dudes in Affliction t-shirts. I get it dude, you got a Macy’s card and expensive jeans. Move the fuck on with that bullshit.

I fucking hate Club Six that place is like the Voltron of shitty clubs. They took all the aspects of sucks and created a fucking dump that is hot as shit with low ceilings in the sweaty ass basement and then shitty fucking sound with high ceilings upstairs. It takes some amazing skill to suck in so many ways. Fuck, they are so good at being shitty they even added an extra room just to let their sucks shine even more. It doesn’t help that the place surrounded by crackheads, has the worst landlord ever and to top it all off they got a bunch of parties filled with wack ass reggae and hemp necklace rap. Like this fucking city needs more dumbass parties.

Themed parties are getting fucking retarded. How about you play shit that doesn’t suck instead? Do we really need another goddamn 80’s night? Assholes that throw 80’s parties are just one sorority girl away from a foam party. Do people still want to hear boring played the fuck out hiphop soul bullshit? Just because you’re djing at Milk does not mean that you are required to play bullshit hiphop that inspired your Filipino cousin to join a live hiphop/reggae band that can’t break out of the frat party circuit. Goddamn it stop being a pussy and get creative. I promise the mountain of Samoan muscle will not kill you for having a fucking imagination.

If you are still trying to sell a party on mashups you need to fucking kill yourself. The bad haircuts that go to The Blow Up need to learn that cocaine and trainwrecking djs are not as cool as the lies the internet photo gallery told them. Motherfuckers the rave is fucking OVER. It doesn’t matter how downlow the lights are or how tight your jeans are that shit is fucking done. I don’t give a fuck how many stupid fucks want to get sweaty to repetitive sucks. All that mstrcrap disco rave aoki dance dance b-more cockmix shit is fucking trash. Sure it was tuff to see your big sister wear over sized cargo pants and rave it up in 1994 while you were stuck at home watching TGIF on ABC in your fucking underoos but now is not the time for nostalgia. This is a dream that is not worth living.

You want a dope party? Try playing music that isn’t shitty and stop trying to make the drunken amateurs happy by playing to the lowest common denominator. Have some fucking self respect. Parties are supposed to be fun, try serving good drinks instead of displaying the latest bastardization in infused liquor. Get some fucking bouncers that have enough goddamn sense to know when to do their fucking jobs. Leave the gimmicks for those dumbasses who like to get shiny in Vegas trying fuck an orange tan and then maybe this city will get as cool as art students from Indiana think it is. Or if we’re lucky it will just turn into Santana Row.