Taste Test

Some of you may have heard about What It Do's and Cutty Bang's before but for those of you that don't know what the fuck I'm talking about those are drinks, two of many different kinds of liquor store hook ups. They are basically cutty ass cocktails sold as a package along with a cup and ice. You mix them yourself and get your drank on. You won't find these at 7 Eleven or most corner stores in the city. Its a phenomenom that as far as I know started in San Francisco and only the most down of corner stores sell these joints. The earliest store to carry these is the 3rd St Liquor store on 3rd and Newcomb, at least that's what Taydatay told me in a rap song.

After I was introduced to these little bags of awesome I began to seek out other spots that carried them. Much to my good fortune I found Charlie's Pharmacy at 1101 Fillmore at Golden Gate, across the street from the McDonalds which was conveniently within walking distance of my apartment. It was the only spot that actually had a menu that listed all their drinks, it's located right above their back counter. A whole new world of drunk opened up before me. It was almost like when I discovered 40's at the age of 15. Over time my friends and I began to frequent the store; finding the Cutty Bang to be our hook up of choice. A few months ago hit the store with a friend and discovered that things had changed. Charlie's had a brand new menu with a whole gang of new drinks and even pictures of them.


click that shit to see a large version

We were shocked to find the Cutty Bang had been removed, but kind of relieved when we found out they still sold it if you asked. The following night we tried two items off the new menu, the Wipe Me Down and the Getting Hyphy both of which had us pretty goddamn faded and juiced off energy drinks. I don't drink caffeine at all so energy drinks and alcohol were not the wisest move. The shit basically made me want to yell at people and break shit. The Wipe Me Down had a Mac Dre Hunid Racks and the Getting Hyphy had Hyphy juice both of which are probably not the wisest to take when you planning on drinking a lot of beer with your shit. It was after this that I decided that a taste test of the new menu was in order because getting fucked up is fun but getting a bunch of your friends fucked up is more fun. That and I really wanted to know what all this shit tasted like.

I set shit up and last Saturday had some people over to taste 16 of the 17 items on the menu, couldn't test the Getting Paid cause Charlie's was out of Hunid Racks. But shit figured missing one wasn't bad considering how many we had to go through. The set up was easy, I labeled each bag of fun, made little cards and then mixed each drink. Each tester had a cup with ice (most of the time) and I would pour each person a shot, give or take depending on how mainey the drink looked and how willing they were to try it.


set up

cards

Drinks were rated on an overall scale of 1-10 and comments were encouraged. The order of the drinks was chosen at random but I figured that the A Bay Bay would be a good one to start with just because it had a gang of alcohol in it and if you're going to do this then it's wise to just kick start that shit. Unlike Tall Can Marathon this was not a competition so no awards giving to the best drinker, this was all about the dranks, not the drunks.


click to see a larger version

Afterwards I averaged out the scores given to each drink and was able to come up with a winner, the Wipe Me Down, was given the highest score an 8. The Tell Has TZ!! (7.3) came in second with the Triple B's (7.21) coming in third. The ingrediendts of the Wipe Me Down were 1 Bicardi Peach Red, 1 Seagrams Apple Gin, 1 Seagrams Orange Tangerine and 1 Mac Dre Hunid Racks Energy Drink. Some of the comments regarding the Wipe Me Down:

Cas215: " Blood Red - The Color Of Love" "Summer in a cup" "Tahitian Treet!! Summers In Philly" he gave it a score of 10.

Lydia: "this taste like trouble it taste like candy, but I can tell this would make my head hurt too"

Thuggy: ingredients: "Mac Dre's Soul" comments:"IFFIWASTHIZZINIT'DBE ON"

Traci P: "Hyphy Incredible Hulk"


Wipe Me Down, have two of these and you might have to have someone wipe something off of you.

The lowest rated drink was the Walk It Out coming in at a miserable 2.625. Unfortunately I don't have a picture of this one (kind of the downfall of having a taste test with tons of alcohol) but it was one can of Wild n' Out Energy Drink and two little bottles of 1800 Silver tequila. Seeing as how Wild N' Out is sponsored by MiLD 94.9 the Bay Area's rap station for people who don't like rap I had a good hunch that this shit was going to be garbage. As for comments on this one

Lydia: "ok this tastes like gas, I can't even drink this. I'm guessing this is what Nick Cannon smells like"

Sean C: "Walk Away"

Cas: "Carburetor Juice, Just walk away son..."

Nick: "Drunkest taste"

Max: "Damn are you serious? Damn."

Thuggy: "Pink Assgasoline" "Doo Doo"

Conceit: "Smells worse than it tastes, Carbonation saved it"

Traci P: "Did the killer clowns drink this?"


As for the True Blue, well it didn't do much better (2.86). Some testers just straight up refused to drink it because Alize is fucking gross.

Thuggy: "BAD"

Cas: "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART, Not what's up"

Max: "' You put herbs in this?' - Conceit"

Traci P: "Taste like pre K Medecine"


Bad Apple #2

Thuggy: " Taste like high school girls behind the bleachers that couldn't find any Boones"

Cas: "Taste like apple flavored lysol, SUCKS!"

Lydia: "It sorta tasts good at first but then it tastes terrible. It reminds me of fermented mexican apple soda. it tastes like headache."

Stef: "Not apple-y enough, bitter. Smells like Play-Doh"


Grapes

Stef: "Smells like jolly rancher, tastes like Kool-Aid"

Cas: "Mellow flavor that just made my ding-a-ling move"

Conceit: "Tastes like an otter pop, not bad for a bitch drink"

Thuggy: "Nump's Birthday Punch"


Casper

Lydia: "this tastes like sweet malt, Smirnoff ice always goes bad."

Cas: "Looks like dish water, smells like starbust the lemon joints. Drunk Lemonade"

Nick: "Smells like bath beads"

Stef: "'Looks like scary water'-Lydia"


Make It Happen

Conceit: "It's a bite off A Bay Bay, Sucks Ass"

Nick: "Strong! Too Sweet."

Max: "It's the motivational cocktail. It motivates me to move on to the next hook up"

Thuggy: "Eddie K would not approve"

Cas: "This drink has a positive message but fails to deliver maybe if I was to flip it on 45 so I could dance to it"

Traci P: "Didn't make it happen"

Lydia: "This is disgusting, for real"

Stef: "Flavors don't meld well"


Triple B's

Thuggy: "It's ok but still sucks"

Stef: "Light and Berry Flavored. I Like!"

Lydia: "all this shit is starting to taste the same. This is sweet and boozy. It makes me feel 16"

Conceit: "smells like frankenberry, tastes smooth, seems like a creeper"

Cas: "Mystery juice - Good Shit"


A Bay Bay

Stef: "Almost ok, but taste like suntan lotion"

Cas: "Not too strong, the after taste is bugging though"

Lydia: "it's terrible first sip I feel like I'm licking a stripper pole, the coconut is just too sickening"

Max: Too sweet, kinda like blue kool aide made with paint thinner"

Thuggy: "Blue nasty, gutrot, my teeth hurt"


Gettin Hyphy

Conceit: "A bite off Bad Apple, I now realize I hate green drinks"

Lydia: "I'm not even fucking with this, straight nasty"

Thuggy: "Headache in a styrofoam cup"

Max: "Not really all that. It's moldy"

Cas: "Incredible hulk green, SEVEN OUT OF TEN, More run than a vw rabbit, my dog would love this, she's a tough critic"


Tell Has TZ!!

Nick:"Very Tasty!"

Stef: "Smells a bit pukey but tastes good"

Cas:"I like this shit! No cutty bang but banging none the less. Nectar juice"

Conceit: "Best drink so far, Kerns Nectar on Debo"

Lydia: "This is by far my favorite, I could drink this for reals"

Max: Not bad, taste the most like real juice with real booze so far"

Thuggy: "I could drink a cup of this and not puke"


Berrilicious

Stef: "I like berry flavor. Girly Drink!"

Max: "Eh, the other berry was better"

Conceit: "I could live without it"
Nick: "Not flavorful"

Cas: "Mediocre Ogre"

Thuggy: "Brandon B is a hoe"


Precious Pisces

Thuggy: "Poo"

Conceit: "Taste buds are dying"

Lydia: "Taste like watermelon, later its fizzy"

Cas: "Taste like watermelon jolly rachers"

Max: "Good Shit, can't hate"

Brandon B: "But I'd rather be a killer whale"


Do You Like It Raw

Stef: "Needs more tea, a lot more tea, smells like Pine-Sol"

Nick:"Not great"

Max: "Not bad, spicy ice-t. Like 6 in the morning & fresh adidas on the bathroom floor"

Lydia: " Smells like pine sol, taste like Pine Sol. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

Cas: "average garbage"


cups


the selection


conceit cleansing his palate

serving

pointing

nick reflecting on the complex flavors with in his drink

I needed beer after pumping my body full of all that alcohol.

Overall though I still think the cutty bang reigns supreme over all of these.


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Canadian Beer Makes Me Confused

man so I've been eyeing this Trois Pistoles beer over at bevmo just cause the label is looking dope. A friend tells me shit is dope and it would be a wise move to cop so the other day I manned up and grabbed a 4 pack of that and Maudite. I don't get this 4 pack bullshit, stupid ass fancy beer thinks it's cute or something but really it's fucking dumb. Anyways I copped and on friday decided to set shit off proper and crack 'em. Thing is friday was probably not the best day to test these brews out cause I hadn't set up a proper base for drunk. All I ate that day was a fucking eggplant wrap and a small bowl of pasta. I was seriously lacking but I figured fuck it at least this will be interesting tomorrow morning.



I throw back a few and realize these are pretty dope but kind of have these fruity after tones that are weird but not too bad. It's like someone poured some wine in there or something. Whatever though probably what I should have payed attention to was the 9% on the bottle. Oh and another thing these beers is that they are refermented in the bottle which means they are fucking hella foamy. Which for fancy's who like to pour their beers that's great but for dudes like me who want to crack one and throw down this results in sucks. I didn't notice this until the foam got all over the counter. I don't want extra steps between me and beer. Whatever though shit tasted good so I couldn't front on them too hard.



Friday night was also the night of the Collector (go here for pictures) show which was an Art show put on by Bomb Hiphop. It was a showcase of album cover artwork. Stef was showing some of her records and djing so attendance was mandatory. We got there and B.Cause was djing already which was cool. I grabbed some red stripes and got my hanging out on.


At some point the Canadian poison began to kick in. It also happened to be when I realized I didn't have lots of cash. Naturally I began to look for an ATM and apparently every fucking atm within a 3 block radius was out of fucking cash. I started to walk one I knew would be stocked but a long the way I got confused and ended up at my apartment wondering what the fuck I was doing at home. I went back to space gallery, still with low funds because I forgot all about that shit. After being there for a while I remembered I needed money so I went out front to talked to some people but my brain got all fucked up with flashes of faces and voices. Apparently Stef called me to help her with her records so naturally I went home. At home I was like fuck this and then went to an atm and began looking for a bar or something. I don't know it was weird and dumb as hell, fucking Canada.

The next night was Poleng Lounge for the Strangeface Crew show. I have some issues with Poleng the main one being the floor in the backroom, that shit is like ice and as an intoxicated person in attendance this does not make shit fun. A new issue is that the place is also a resturant and drinking beers with the stench of fish sauce in the air sucks. But whatever with that shit, on with an invaluable discussion of rap performances. The opening act were some kids who looked like 5 years ago were rapping about their lyrical swords of rap magic but now wanted you to get sexed in the club or something. It was not memorable. Strangeface is basically like who ever hangs out with Conceit and wants to rap or give him beats. Well not really but really that's what it is. So yeah a bunch of dudes got on stage and busted raps while I got faded and listened or yelled in someone's ear. At some point I stumbled out of there and hunted for a cab.

Oh fuck I almost forgot the main motivation for me to go out last night wasn't the alluring rap performances, it was raining and motivation was lacking, but the dumb ass girls in my building provided enough. See my apartment building is set up with this atrium in the middle, I think that's what it's called. The stairs go up and everyone's door faces out into this open space, so it's built like a tall square donut. Now the issue with this is that if your loud and at the bottom shit echos all the way to the top floor. Most people don't hang out in the center area or have their doors open so that's not really an issue. Now I said most people. Recently there are a pair of girls who I believe have moved in to their first apartment and are excited to be living in the big city. I was made aware by another tenant that the pair of Becky's like to speak in high pitched yells like they were drunk at their first prom or something. On thanksgiving the becky's had a party and their dumb friends kept leaving the door open so I got to hear all kinds of dumb shit. Thing is I'm on the top floor they are on the bottom and I'm hearing this shit through my door. I don't understand how the people next to them deal with it.

Anyways the point of this shit is that last night I'm chilling throwing back beers and the becky's had another becky come over to be lame with. They decided to smoke in the atrium which is bullshit because it's been like an unwritten law that people don't fuck around with their friends in the common areas of the building. Fools got a balcony, use it. Well these drunk girls get all pumped and I was blessed to hear the visiting becky yell "OH MY GOD THIS PLACE IS JUST LIKE MELROSE PLACE BUT WITHOUT THE POOL! YOU GUYS ARE SO LUCKY!" It was at this point that I decided my evening would be better spent away from dipshit motherfuckers.

It's those moments that I hate being the manager because I can't just yell at some of the idiots in my building when I really really want to.

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Beer and Rap music

This winner was spotted out front of that pizza spot next to DNA Lounge on Saturday night. It was some dresscode bullshit commercial rap party. It's nice to see the fancyboys ruin their lame ass clothes, fucking strawberry.

Friday I got off work, came home played computer until it was time to roll out to 330 rich where Stef was djing a happy hour for her coworkers. I rolled through for some anchor steams and hang around some people who I don't think I've ever been around sober. Fortunately some people I actually knew were there so it wasn't super weird. After that shit we rolled up to Lit for this party Hoodies and Heels, well I think that was the name. They had 2 dollar red stripes and I was ready to drink them. Dj started playing some southern rap and I started yelling rap words. I don't think anyone but me thought that was a good idea. I guess I got kind of loaded and blacked out. Like I remember being out front of the club drinking beer and the bartender taking it out of my hand but that was it. Apparently while we were getting ready to hail a cab this bus pulls up and my drunk ass decided to get on it thinking it might take me home. Nevermind that the bus was going the wrong way. Stef and Mike were like what the fuck and hopped in a cab. I don't know where that bus went or where I went but when the beer let go of my thinking I was walking up the stairs to my apartment and my phone was ringing. I pick up and it's Stef wondering where the hell I am. I walked in and find that she had ordered pizza and it was awesome.

Saturday I woke up kind of jacked but shit wasn't too bad. I had some breakfast and water and I was alright. Was kind of shaky most of the day but I figured that since we were going out to this Time Machine, Giant Panda, and PUTS show I'd just have some beers and my pains would go away, at least until the next morning. You know what, I was right. I threw back some fullsails and the pain disappeared like magic. That night I even got a free scion t-shirt to match my scion wristband. Scion is the greatest!



In the front row of the show there was some kid whose wet dream came to life when Time Machine got on stage. Now I like time machine but this dude really really liked them. He was like the sign language person for anyone who could not understand the rap. Dude was doing all these fucking hand gestures for whatever words they would say. It was actually pretty funny, well to me. Someone should make a guide of proper rap hand gestures. Like how when people start rapping fast they must twitch their fingers and make their hand talk very fast. Or how rappers need to do the side to side touch of imaginary words. Explaining this shit doesn't work to well I need visuals. That's a project for another day though, The Visual Guide to Proper Hiphop Hand Gestures.

Sunday I woke up kind of janky but not as bad as saturday. I rolled out ot amoeba to buy some rap music. They didn't have too much to get excited about though so I decided to man up some dvds. Got A Place Called Chiapas and Straight Out Of Hunters Point. Almost got this Fidel Castro documentary that came out a while ago. I've been meaning to check it out for a long as time but never have. Those assholes at amoeba wanted 28 bucks for that shit though, fuck that. Those dicks need to get their prices right.

so yeah that's all I got, I drank beer, blacked out, saw some dude roll around in his own vomit and laughed at the way a kid moved his hands.

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What It Do?!?!

So I wrote this whole post about drinking a What It Do this weekend, but I think this post and the story kind of sucks. If you want the short version this is how it goes. Friday I drank a bunch of beer and then a What It Do. I blacked out and the next day I wanted to puke but I didn't. The end.

If you still want to read the rest of this shit, then proceed at your own risk.

Yeah so that shit up there is what you need to make your very own What It Do. For those that don't know the What It Do is this drink you can purchase at certain bay area liquor stores. The only spots I know of are out in Bayview/Hunter's point. Oh and one spot in the mission. But yeah it's sold as a combo pack, its kind of like a happymeal but with alcohol and no actual food or toys. Well actually they sell you those little mini bottles of alcohol with it and those are kind of like toys because they make you feel like a giant. Or maybe they just make me feel like a giant but so what it's alcohol and that's good.

Now these aren't drinks you can pick up at your neighborhood 7-eleven or anything you got to roll down to hyphy part of town. The What It Do isn't your only choice either. If you would like a different type of this fine liqueur you can go with the CuttyBang or the Killahoe. The Killahoe is more along the lines of the What It Do while the CuttyBang is more a fine mix of very flavorsome sweet fruits, juniper, and citrus aromas. The actual ingredients for the CuttyBang consist of 2 mini bottles of Bacardi Limon, one mini bottle of Tanqueray, one mini bottle of Seagrams, and one 6oz can of Dole Pineapple juice. I can't remember the exact ingredients for the Killahoe but I do know it uses a koolaid jammer and is a different color than the What It Do.

My friends know that I don't like liquor. I think its for cheaters (Kaleb thinks not drinking it is lady like, well fuck you Kaleb). I don't fuck with this shit on the regular because I can't pace myself with it. I'm use to beers and drinking those, you throw some fucking liquor in the mix and it just fucks up my whole shit. A fact that has proven itself a number of times. Now what got me to actually want to drink a What It Do was that the actual drink is fucking called What It Do. If you don't know about the phrase "what it do" then peep the Keak Da Sneak song of the same name. With a name as awesome as "What It Do" you know I had to skeet skirt my ass to where ever the fuck this drink was sold with a motherfucking quickness.

I first heard about the drink through DJ Marz who is quite the What It Do advocator. I didn't get a chance to actually try it until about 2 weeks ago when I got a call from Marz asking me if I'd be at home for a bit. I said yes and he said "ok, I'll be there soon." One hour later he shows up in quite an excited frenzy with a bag full of miniture alcohol bottles and various juice boxes. Unfortunatly he could not find a place that sold Kool Aid Jammers by the single, only the 10 packs, so we were forced to make our What It Do's with berry flavored Juicey Juice. The taste was still the same as the What It Do but the color wasn't as blue as it was suppose to be. But that's ok cause it still had the proper effect as Marz explained it best. He said "If you buy a girl from the suburbs a what it do she will say "what it do???" but then after she drinks a what it do she will say "WHAT IT DOOOOOO!!!!!" After watching Marz flex his amazing bartender skills I was prepared to drink something I thought would taste like total shit but much to my surprise the drink is actually pretty fucking good. The CuttyBang has more of a punch to it than the What It Do because of the What It Do's high sugar content and higher content of flavored water.

This past weekend I once again drank a What It Do but this time the reaction was worse than my first time. You see on friday an old friend of mine, Walker, was in town and I thought that was a good reason to get loaded so on the way home I stopped to get some beers for some pregame action. I should have called ahead to see my girlfriend had bought some but I didn't and I was wrong. She had already picked up a twelve of Red Hook. Oh well that just meant I could get my pregame on a little sooner. So around 8 or so Walker and his lady arrive at our apartment. We get to drinking beers and just bullshitting about shit.

When we finally decide to break out and hit the bar I'm pretty well primed for drinking. We got to Amnesia where Ross Hogg and Neta were djing that evening and got our swerve on. At one point I recieve a call from Marz asking where we were at because he wants to come through. I let him know and a while later I recieve another call asking me if I want a What It Do. Not being one to turn down a fine drink such as that I told him to bring two of them. A few beers later Marz rolls into the bar with a little skateboard under one arm and What It Do's under the other. He breaks them out and starts mixing them right there at our table. Me being a gracious host I hand Walker and his girlfriend two cups and then after some time passes I proceed to not remember a goddamn thing.

Apparently after my brain decided to no longer inform me of its duties or what was going on around me. Marz was spotted trying to ollie off the stage with his mini skateboard. Later we left Amnesia to hit up another club down the street, 26 mix. I don't remember going there but I do have a vague memory of telling someone I wanted fried pork rhines from the corner store nearby. I don't know if that actually happened because the only thing I know for sure is that when I work up the next day I felt like I'd been hit by a fucking truck. I layed around in bed trying to ignore my stomache which was trying to tell me that vomitting was a brilliant idea. I probably should have thrown up but I just didn't want to do it. I've had to throw up to many times and I felt as if it was time to tell my stomache who was boss. At last around 5 oclock in the afternoon my stomache finally gave into the battle of wills and I was victorious. Well victorious aside from the fact that I still felt like shit but at least I wasn't going to puke.
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man I'm such a fucking ass. I'm surprised people hang out with me, well maybe they dont and I just force myself upon them. Last night I got pretty cute with it. Decided to cook up some blackbean sauce and tortillas. Well when I was at the store I was eyeing some brews, thinking oh I should just get a six cause I'm going out later and don't want to get all handsome on'em. But then I saw this 12 of bass on sale and thought to myself I'll drink it anyways so fuck it. That was the first of a few bad ideas that night. I got home and got to cooking. then stef gets home and has a 6 of shiner with her. Well we got to work a little earlier than expected. Around 10 or so we roll over to Movida, B-cause is djing and folks are gathering to wish Shig farewell as he heads off to socal. Like right after we get there shig gets on the turntables and fucking throws down White Snake's "Here I go Again." now that fucking song sums up my fucking life, well at least that night anyways. Now I'm not one to resist an awesome song so I started to sing along or tried too. I forgot most of the words to the song so I just made a fist and yelled at it. B-Cause is one nice guy, dude hooked up some free brews. Which was good for me, but not so good for those around me. I believe I was in asshole mode last night making comments like "you suck at everything," "hello ball licker", "why are you such a whore?" or "______'s a bitch" Now as you can tell I'm one charming bastard, so I figured there wouldn't be a problem with going behind the bar to self service my beers. Well thats what I did and surprisingly no one got mad, or at least no one saw me.

so this morning I'm feeling the fruits of my work and I feel magnificent.

oh shit, b-cause just posted some fucking pictures of last night on soulstrut, here is me being the prince charming that I am

apparently I was in the middle of singing/yelling Night Rangers - Sister Christian but I guess I only knew the chorus and not the verse. well when I was questioned about it I told them thats for "the rest of the white people"

man why did I start this post saying I'm such an ass, I fucking rule, thanks blog you have helped me out once again.
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