A little hate I wrote

This is some hate I wrote up a sometime around the end last year but finally showed up in the latest issue of Versus because of their world renown publishing team. Some parts maybe a little dated but whatever I'm still amused by it and I think the main parts apply

San Francisco is suppose to be this world renown city of beauty and sophistication with a thin veil of half ass pseudo liberalism that the heart beat of America thinks is covered in cable cars and leather clad cocks that smell like the assholes of their uncles. People from all over the world come here for great food, shitty Chinese pullovers and photos of bridges. With so many people attracted to this city it is no wonder that there are a lot of options for people who like to go out, get drunk and find someone to fuck. Unfortunately most of these people and the ones that try to cater to their needs are fucking idiots.

I don’t get how people still can’t get their heads around what going out to a club is like. I get that some dumb fuck 18 year old might not understand the concept of a “party” But if you’re at least a weekend older than your twenty-first birthday then you should be able to understand that events happen at clubs. You don’t show up at a fucking concert and start asking the band to play “Groove is in the Heart” because it’s Ashley’s fucking birthday. So why in the fuck would you go to a hiphop party and request fucking Godsmack (I was amazed to hear about that one). The dj is not a fucking juke box with a cdj full of 15 year old stupidity. If you took five seconds too actually find out what the fuck was going on you wouldn’t be sitting there like a drunken idiot wondering why the dj won’t play your shitty request. Have some fucking sense. Dj’s are asked to play at the fucking club; they aren’t hired to make sure your crap tastes are catered too. If you’re stupid enough to show up to a party that you don't know shit about, pay a cover, and buy expensive drinks then you're too fucking stupid to complain about the music. You did it to yourself you dumbass.

Now what sucks even more are the fucking clubs that cater to these inexperienced assholes who think a club is suppose to be like an episode of Melrose place that they saw when they were fucking twelve years old. Fucking bullshit ass spots are trying to sell some gullible idiots on a dream of a shitty sitcom’s idea of nightlife. Clubs don’t even give a shit about the music or talent they bring in; instead they want to sell you on fucking pretend atmosphere. It’s not even tangible, it a fake ass concept of fun based on selling you ambiance because people are so stupid they will pay someone for what they think is a good time instead of actually having one. You will stand in line, pay a bullshit cover, get treated like shit, and drink overpriced bullshit because people have some dumb idea that getting drunk with your own bottle on a floor with lights some how justifies this.

Speaking of floors with lights, jesus if you want to experience sucks go to Fluid. It’s some bullshit spot trying to fancy and VIP but it’s just a bunch of lame amateurs who come to the big city to fall over drunk while they throw up in the bathroom. Painting everything white does not make you night club sophisticated; it just lets the douchebags standout even clearer.

Someone should tell the cocks at Etiquette Lounge that painting everything black and having roid raging bouncers does not create stunning ambiance. The quote on the front of the club isn’t insightful either, it’s just tells the world that you are too stupid to pull off being pretentious. I shouldn’t expect shit considering the place has a homoerotic oil painting of a muscle boy in a skin tight tuxedo. The owner also likes to play the sax during the dj’s set, that shit is so horrible it’s amazing. I know people want to make money but fuck have some self respect. This bullshit might pass in San Jose where the nightlife relies on the shopping center with the best landscaping but motherfuckers need to dead that shit in the city.

More shitty clubs: Poleng Lounge, fucking hell I can’t stand this goddamn place. The front bar is always a pain in the ass because you have a bunch of fucks that spent their whole night eating on fucking couches taking up space. The back room needs to be destroyed because having twenty fans in that bitch is not helping. The worst part about this spot are all the drunk Asian dudes in Affliction t-shirts. I get it dude, you got a Macy’s card and expensive jeans. Move the fuck on with that bullshit.

I fucking hate Club Six that place is like the Voltron of shitty clubs. They took all the aspects of sucks and created a fucking dump that is hot as shit with low ceilings in the sweaty ass basement and then shitty fucking sound with high ceilings upstairs. It takes some amazing skill to suck in so many ways. Fuck, they are so good at being shitty they even added an extra room just to let their sucks shine even more. It doesn’t help that the place surrounded by crackheads, has the worst landlord ever and to top it all off they got a bunch of parties filled with wack ass reggae and hemp necklace rap. Like this fucking city needs more dumbass parties.

Themed parties are getting fucking retarded. How about you play shit that doesn’t suck instead? Do we really need another goddamn 80’s night? Assholes that throw 80’s parties are just one sorority girl away from a foam party. Do people still want to hear boring played the fuck out hiphop soul bullshit? Just because you’re djing at Milk does not mean that you are required to play bullshit hiphop that inspired your Filipino cousin to join a live hiphop/reggae band that can’t break out of the frat party circuit. Goddamn it stop being a pussy and get creative. I promise the mountain of Samoan muscle will not kill you for having a fucking imagination.

If you are still trying to sell a party on mashups you need to fucking kill yourself. The bad haircuts that go to The Blow Up need to learn that cocaine and trainwrecking djs are not as cool as the lies the internet photo gallery told them. Motherfuckers the rave is fucking OVER. It doesn’t matter how downlow the lights are or how tight your jeans are that shit is fucking done. I don’t give a fuck how many stupid fucks want to get sweaty to repetitive sucks. All that mstrcrap disco rave aoki dance dance b-more cockmix shit is fucking trash. Sure it was tuff to see your big sister wear over sized cargo pants and rave it up in 1994 while you were stuck at home watching TGIF on ABC in your fucking underoos but now is not the time for nostalgia. This is a dream that is not worth living.

You want a dope party? Try playing music that isn’t shitty and stop trying to make the drunken amateurs happy by playing to the lowest common denominator. Have some fucking self respect. Parties are supposed to be fun, try serving good drinks instead of displaying the latest bastardization in infused liquor. Get some fucking bouncers that have enough goddamn sense to know when to do their fucking jobs. Leave the gimmicks for those dumbasses who like to get shiny in Vegas trying fuck an orange tan and then maybe this city will get as cool as art students from Indiana think it is. Or if we’re lucky it will just turn into Santana Row.
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Hey Spoken Word Boy, Shut The Fuck Up!

I wrote this little bit a couple months ago for Versus magazine (yeah I know, big budget myspace page, my man Gary does it big like that). If anyone wants to order this shit then send a message to the myspace bullshit, I think it's 3 bucks to get it shipped. If you're in the bay then you can pick it up where ever the fuck these free magazines are left. I haven't actually seen the magazine because instead of going to the release party I went to sleep. I don't actually know what else is in that shit but I'll find out tomorrow in the meantime I decided to post the "article" that I wrote for it. It's pretty much what anyone who reads this site should expect from me, a bunch of bitching and moaning about crap I think is dumb but no one else really cares about. Oh and in other news I got hit up by Rob Harvilla over at the EastBay Express about some things I've said about Scion Hop in the past. He wrote a piece on the Oakland Faders winning Scion's mix contest. Regardless of how I feel about Scion riding that hiphop dick I'm happy for the Oakland Faders; they deserve this shit.

So yeah on with the bitching...

This goes out to all you piece of shit generic sounding teenage angst spitting bullshit ass wannabe Saul Williams head wrap jocking soft ass coffee house motherfuckers. You are fucking stupid and no one gives a fuck about your predictable pauses and half ass cadence. I don’t want to hear your shitty ass poetry about how you are such an individual because you shop at Whole Foods and your house smells like cheap ass corner store incense.

Ok now before you rally up the coffee shop and cry together here is the thing I do think there is actually some good spoken word shit out there, but there is a hell of a lot more shitty spoken word out there. What I hate is that some people think that you have to respect their “art” because they are expressing themselves through “poetry.” Fuck that shit. When you make stale ass poems with wordplay for toddlers and string it all together by rhyming words that end in “ion” I don’t give a fuck if you’re expressing your goddamn feelings because that shit straight up sucks. Now I have not been to that many poetry slams but the ones I have been too seem more like a group of soft motherfuckers patting each other on the ass for a bullshit job well done. It’s like a bunch of identity searching freshmen all cheering one another on for overcoming such extraordinary obstacles in life such as being a nerd in high school or having conservative parents. Fuck that shit, someone needs to tell these kids that their writing sucks and the last thing they should be doing is fucking performing. If you have something worthwhile to say fine but if you can’t do it in your own voice then don’t bother speaking. Stick to the written word and keep that shit in your fucking diary.

Oh and then we have the brilliant failed rapper turned shitty slam poet. Flexing their skills for kids who can't even pick a fucking major. Impressing dumb fuck kids with shitty beatboxing and half ass acapellas full of crap lyrics. I don’t give a fuck how many roses you’ve seen grow out of concrete your shit still sucks. Just because the DOC called it Rhythmic American Poetry that doesn't mean that you are now Edgar Allan fucking Poe. If you can’t come up with some original shit that doesn’t sound like you wrote it when you were still taking Reading then my advice to you is to shut your fucking mouth.

Now I’ve actually tried to like spoken word and I guess it’s not as bad as I make it seem but honestly for the most part I don’t give a fuck about that whole scene. I feel like people think they have to act like it’s so fucking artistic because it’s poetry. Expressing yourself and all that shit is cool but when you start putting that shit in front of others that’s when talent has to be called into effect. If you don’t have it then shut the fuck up or go back to your bedroom and practice in shame. The people who are good at spoken word are really fucking good but the ones that are bad are goddamn horrible. I don’t understand how some of that shit gets by. Half of these motherfuckers all jack that stereotypical spoken word delivery and don’t get called on it. Don’t you think that when your substandard style is being used in a fucking McDonald’s commercial that it’s time to switch that shit up. God that commercial fucking sucks. Oh and if that shit wasn’t bad enough that piece of shit show, Girlfriends, had a fucking spoken word episode with some dumbfuck reciting a romantic poem about his fucking kufi (no I do not watch girlfriends but when I see Common and Saul Williams on a tv channel I tend to check what the fuck is going on).People really need to tell these fucks that they suck but at fucking slams there is no booing allowed. Booing isn’t the most productive thing but not allowing it creates this false sense of talent and I think that’s fucking bullshit. People need criticism; they need to know that just because your mommy thinks you’re wonderful that doesn’t mean that you actually are. If you can’t takesomeone telling you that you fucking suck then get off the goddamn stage.
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Fuck Your Early 90's HipHop Mix

Hey shitbags those early 90's hiphop mixes that you think are so fucking original well guess what. They fucking aren't. No one wants to hear you mix a bunch of fucking reissues that you bought 3 years ago. People have been making early 90's mixes since the goddamn early 90's. Just what in the fuck do you think makes you goddamn version or T.R.O.Y. so fucking original? As much as I love that style of hiphop I'm fucking sick and tired of these redundant bullshit mixes. Fucking stop with the Black Sheep already, enough is enough goddamnit.

The early 90's are not coming back. Nas will never make another Illmatic no matter how many wet dreams you fucking have. Pete Rock and CL Smooth will never make another good record. Remember their latest project? Because I do and it fucking sucked. Ultramagnetic is not going to make another Critical Beatdown because Kool Keith has lost his fucking mind. The Pharcyde will never make another Bizzare Ride because no one actually gives a fuck about the Pharcyde without Fatlip and Slimkid. Shit do you even know the other two dudes names cause I bet you don't. The fucking point is that all your heroes have fallen off and you need to fucking accept that shit already.

Anyways what makes me bring this shit up in the first place was a recent trip to Amoeba. You see I was down there buying some records and decided to check out the mixtape section in the hopes of finding some Dj Smallz mixes, I really wanted to cop Southern Smoke 15. Well I didn't find any Dj Smallz and as far as their mixtape selection goes all they really had was all that New York shit that I didn't really want to check out. I don't really have any desire to hear Jadakiss drop more "exclusives" for those fat fuck djs from new york. Now while Amoeba's mixtape selection is pretty weak I did find that they had a shitload of early 90's hiphop mixes. Now I'm not a fan of motherfuckers who can't mix for shit and just yell "exCLUEsive!" over songs but goddamn I'd rather peep that shit than another goddamn early 90's mix.

Shit these motherfuckers cry about the state of mixtapes and how people don't mix anymore but yet these fucking dicks won't make a mix that doesn't have songs that aren't at least ten years old. Then these assholes wonder why the fuck their shit isn't more popular and how in the hell are these fools with less talent getting the recognition that they feel they deserve. You want to know why? Because those talentless bastareds play new shit that people are excited to hear. They don't fucking day dream about wearing cross colors and doing the motherfucking cabbage patch.

Then what fucking pisses me off more is that these are actually talented djs wasting their time recycling a fucking idea that has been done to death. Fuck I live in the goddamn bay and couldn't find someone doing a dope mix of contemporary bay area shit (until now). But shit if I want to sit around my room and reminisce about 1992 they had me covered. Man fuck that shit, stop trying to relive the past. It is time for motherfuckers to realize there are dope records that came out after 1994 and that you can actually play them. Seriously fuck anyone who doesn't like hiphop made after 1998. You are the reason hiphop sucks. It isn't the other way around like you would like to believe. Bunch of weaksauce motherfuckers who can't accept change and would rather limit this music into some bullshit wetdream from 1991. Now don't get me wrong I don't want people to forget about all those records but I'm sick people thinking that those are the ONLY good hiphop records. Fuck that, if you think hiphop is stagnant then stop trying to trap it in a fucking time warp and start seeking out those records that appeal to you today and fucking play them goddamn it. Shit even if you like wack shit like motherfucking Little Brother or shit even goddamn Dilated Peoples. I don't give a fuck just play some new shit motherfucker because nostalgia is played the fuck out.

Besides if you really want to hear an early 90's hiphop mix then fucking buy a mix that came out in the goddamn early 90's otherwise just shut the fuck up. If you really need to make an early 90's mix at least don't sell that shit in the US, send your goddamn mixes to Europe those motherfuckers will gladly pay money for the soundtrack to their wet dreams. Europeans love early 90's hiphop like they love asking about fucking run out grooves and goddamn label scans.

so yeah to sum up all this shit this is my advice to you, stop recycling played out concepts for your mixes and come up with some original shit you dumb motherfuckers.

Oh and another thing stop using those fucking soundbites of corny white folks explaining what the elements of hiphop are, that shit is played the fuck out too.

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FUCK JESUS RAP

Jesus and rap don't work. That shit straight up fucking sucks. Sometime ago I decided that Jesus rap need to be put to a screeching halt so I decided that no matter how much "skill" a rapper might have that if they rap about Jesus they fucking suck balls. Jesus ruins everything, particularly music. What results is just a bunch of sappy bullshit that no one but wacko fucking Jesus lovers want to hear.
Then there are the fucking retards who love Jesus rap, goddamn those are some fucking idiots. That shit is just fucked up when you have to pit Jesus rap against "secular hiphop". Motherfuckers act like they got some fucking bullshit righteous crusade to overcome the horrible world of the devil's rap. Its because of fucking nutjob ideas like those that I have decided Jesus rap must be stopped. Fuck that wack shit, I don't care if you love Jesus or whatever the fuck you want to believe in but don't be trying to convert a motherfucker. Spirituality is lame.
Some people might argue that its no different than the 5%er NOI shit that went down in hiphop. But guess what those dudes where hating on folks and that made them cool. Jesus rappers are trying to show you the bullshit light and joint their fucking cult of Christianity. Fuck you Jesus boy, I'm not joining your nutjob crew of fucktards. The Muslim steez was about fighting back and standing up for theirs. DC fucking Talk was on some I'll show you the light to happiness praise the lord bullshit. That softness just makes Jesus rappers similar to the softness that is pm fucking dawn. A bunch of strawberries with nothing to say but happy thoughts. fuck happy thoughts, this ain't fucking kindercare motherfucker. This is goddamn rap music we got no time for you repenting ass holy spirit motherfuckers.
Even when you have talented rappers I just can't get with that shit. Maybe its just me and how I don't really believe in Christianity or religion at all but when I hear someone start preaching about how god can show you the way I just get turned the fuck off. The whole idea that some magical fucking being in the sky has all the answers just seems like a crock of shit to me. When fools start on that shit its like trying to tell me leprechauns are real. Maybe for the people that really have faith in that shit its different but that's how it is for me. To me its just a bunch of nonsense, hell its like listening to Disney radio raps about tricycles and lolipops. I just can't take that shit seriously and have no respect for it.
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